Monday, 19 September 2011

CBT and a few other things

Hello all, yet again I haven't updated this blog for a month, I suppose the obsessional slowness did really take over my life. I now have a few things on my mind and also a few things to share with you so I figured I'd write an update. 

A few weeks ago I had my first session of CBT. I've had two sessions so far, so it's still early days yet, but here is the score. My therapist seems to think that my main issue is internet addiction disorder (IAD) so she is treating me for IAD rather than OCD. I suppose my IAD sets of my OCD behaviours and vise-versa, it's a vicious circle. The first session was pretty much a test of suitability for CBT and then my homework was to keep two diaries, one about what I did, how long for and how it made me feel emotionally and physically and one about the notion of not being able to carry out my compulsive behaviours. I also made notes for the following session as I failed to tell my therapist that I form attachments too easily in my first session. In the second session we talked about my IAD and a bit about attachments too. I mentioned the idea of keeping a blog to express my feelings but my therapist said it was a bad idea given the fact that I have IAD. But low and behold I am still writing here now. My homework for this week is to write about how I feel when I use the internet. The therapy seems like a slow process and not quite goal focussed as I'd like it to be, but I suppose it's early days and I've only had one proper session, so we'll see how it goes. 

I suppose it's time to discuss other things that are on my mind at the moment. My mood keeps dropping awfully low and I feel low on energy too ... yet there's no logical explanation for it all. I guess I have a few things on my mind such as the fact that I form attachments way too easily isn't being sorted and it does actually upset me (maybe I should mention this to my therapist again). Sometimes I just wish I could develop attachments at a more "normal" pace, I fancy guys, get to know them via the internet, get even more obsessed, think I'm a bad person, breakdown, start the cycle again. It's kind of sad really. In an offline context I would pretty much be a stalker and this scares me. I know that I can't help it but I just want to change for the better. 

I'll update again soon (I promise)


  1. Hello OCDreams,

    I have read numerous times that it is important to ensure that the therapist knows exactly what/how you are feeling as then the CBT can be adapted to your specific requirements so I would definitely mention it as soon as possible.

    I am due to start therapy for my OCD soon and have found blogging to be an ideal outlet for my feelings and experiences but I can understand that with IAD this could be problematic - Probably something to come back to further down the line.

    I have added you to my following list - I hope that's ok?

    All the very best.

  2. Hiya, thanks for the comment and the follow. I decided to take a break from therapy until early February. A friend has inspired me to start blogging about my issues again, so watch this space.

  3. Hi! i'm karin and i also have ocd, the contamination, handwashing kind right now, but have also had pure o in the past- without knowing i had it!

    I too love to be on the internet, esp. when i was being driven crazy by my ocd. It was a 'safe place' for me; if the keyboard was 'clean' i was ok. I didn't have to worry about getting contaminated or doing something that might contaminate others. As i have dealt with the ocd, my time off the computer is getting more and more. i still blog and read others' blogs etc. but i also do other things as my ocd anxiety has gone down.

    Hope you are doing well!

  4. Hi Karin.

    First of all, thanks for sharing your experiences with me. I'm not quite sure that we're on the same wave-length here. It seems that you use the internet as a comfort blanket when your OCD is at its worse, which is a valid point but with me it's slightly different. For me, using the internet is an obsession I have and also part of my OCD. If you read my latest blog you'll get a much better overview of my situation :)

    All I can say is that for internet use is an hinderance for my OCD and for you it was a help :) it's funny how technology can be both advantageous and disadvantageous huh?

    Thanks for sharing again :) I look forward to chatting to you more

    I'm ok thanks, hope you're doing well too