Friday, 2 December 2011

Finally on The Mend?

I feel pretty content today despite having to stop using the internet to go out shopping. I guess I do have a headache but that might be something to do with having a cold rather than being stressed out. All I can say is that I've had such a wonderful day at the shopping centre with my mom. 

I managed to get a bit more Christmas shopping today and I'm starting to get into the Christmas spirit, this may explain why I feel so content. Also, this months phone bill has been paid by direct debit so I have no worries about money being taken from my bank account without me being aware of it. I do often find that I can't settle if I don't have enough money in my bank account to pay my phone bill, I do have an overdraft on my account but I hate the idea of being in debt even if it's only for a day or two. This kind of defeats the issue of blogging about feeling content but I thought I'd mention my bank account behaviour as I do often obsess and panic. 

I've been to Starbucks today and had an eggnog latte and a cinnamon swirl, they were both gorgeous :). I bought body butter (again), at the moment I seem to have an obsession with collecting body butter, this one only cost £2 though. I also bought some fancy soap and a DVD. I suppose going to Starbucks during my shopping trip did make me less anxious/panicked, when I'm out I only feel content if I have either internet or food and drink. I've been the same with the food and drink element of it since I was a child, when I was younger I would cry and be stroppy until I got food, I didn't cry and strop because I was hungry it was merely because I was away from home and didn't feel comfortable. 

Overall, I think I'm finally getting a bit better, especially where obsessive thoughts about people hating me and other obsessive thoughts are concerned. Maybe my depression is fading with Christmas cheer, maybe I've finally came to terms with leaving uni and not yet having a job, maybe it's because I haven't got people teasing me about fancying my lecturer followed by me having obsessive thoughts about it being wrong and people hating me for it. Maybe it's a mixture of all of those things. I have no idea, but I'm certainly getting over the depressive element of my life. 

The main things I have to battle now are: obsessive slowness, low motivation and internet addiction disorder (IAD). I know that sounds like a lot to tackle but in my eyes I'm half way through tackling all of the issues I had for such a long time and the three things I just mentioned are all linked to each other, so that should speed up the process a little bit. I see those three issues as being dominos, I knock one of them down and the others will start to fall too. 

I'm currently looking into ways of overcoming the three final problems that I have. If I find anything interesting I will share it here so that others can benefit from the methods too. 

Speak soon

1 comment:

  1. I found it pretty hard when I left university too, particularly as I didn't work for about four or five months after so I know how it feels.

    It sounds like things are picking up for you though and you sound in good spirits so may the festive season usher in a 2012 full of happiness and inspiration.

    Best wishes!