A few days ago I did promise to keep this blog updated daily and then I decided not to blog yesterday, there is a perfectly valid reason for this. I spent yesterday at a funeral and then I had to go to work. I was so cold when I got home that I just wanted to get into bed and drop off to sleep.
The past two days haven't been too bad where my obsessional slowness and IAD are concerned. As I just said, yesterday I attended a funeral, I had to be ready and out of the house by 10am and to be honest I didn't do too bad with getting ready despite feeling anxious when I left the house. My anxiety soon started to fade away but I did have obsessive thoughts about my clothes attracting dust or pet hairs. I'm always the same with black clothes, wearing black clothing often makes me feel nervous and I always feel like a scruff and obsess over my clothing having hairs or dust on it. This results in me not feeling too confident. When I was at the wake following the funeral my brother bought me a double gin & tonic which seemed to blur the situation a bit and also reduce my nervousness and anxiety.
I'm not quite sure why wearing black clothing bothers me so much. These days I try to avoid wearing black at all costs. If I HAVE to wear black I prefer to wear just one black item rather than two, wearing two black items drives me insane. I just hate pet hairs and dust on black clothing, it bothers me so much, I worry about there being dust or hairs on my own clothes, even when there isn't. I remember meeting a girl for the first time and she was wearing a black cardigan that was covered in dog hairs, not only did it set of my allergies but it also bugged me psychologically. It literally distressed me to think that someone could walk around with dog hairs on their clothing. Lets just hope that I won't be wearing black for a long time yet.
Also, I think I'm starting to get to the point where I can openly discuss some of the issues that bother me, not my OCD directly but things that I've done and felt ashamed of due to my OCD and depression. Last night I managed to talk to a girl at work about having feelings for my lecturer (that I mentioned in previous blogs) and she sympathised with the issue and asked me whether it made me feel depressed. I openly explained how it all made me feel at the time and how I've changed, I felt at ease when talking about the issue and actually had no obsessive after thoughts. I'm so proud of myself for overcoming the obsession/issue. I just wish that this was the case with every obsessive thought and behaviours that I have. I'm so determined to get there but lack the motivation!!!! any suggestions on how to increase motivation?